I Taught My Husband a Lesson About Newborn Duty: Fed Up and Dirty
My spouse and I were meant to get along well after we had our first child, but he started to turn against me. I was about to leave him because of the way he was treating me, but then something horrible happened in front of my family.
Thankfully, a big change took place to save our marriage with help from outside sources.
My name is Mary, and I’m twenty-five. Recently, I went through one of the most embarrassing and enlightening events of my life. Permit me to go back a bit. My beautiful daughter Tilly and her 29-year-old husband Jake were welcomed into the world three weeks ago.
She really is everything to me. The problem is that he always says, “Let me relax; my paternity leave is so short,” when I ask Tilly’s father for help. Due to our infant’s constant need for care, I have myself struggled with nights of insomnia. It is more exhausting than I ever would have thought.
Since her birth, Jake hasn’t even once viewed my sweet angel, and she only naps for an hour at a time! I was offended by his behavior since he had assured me that we would equally divide up the parenting duties. But lately, his “assistance” has been, at most, minimal.
My lack of sleep has gotten so bad that I often fall asleep while cooking or doing the laundry! But things got out of hand last Saturday, which was a turning point for both of us!
In honor of our daughter’s first birthday, we have organized a small celebration at my mother’s residence. The first time our closest friends and family would finally get to meet Tilly, it was supposed to be a joyous occasion.
As the festivities continued, Jake was spotted everywhere. “I needed this paternity leave because I couldn’t imagine how much more exhausted I would have been working AND taking care of the baby,” he was busy trying to persuade everyone. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, but I didn’t have the courage to speak to him just then.
My body eventually succumbed to pure exhaustion while I persisted in mingling and attending events. I felt clammy, dizzy, and everything turned dark in an instant. I passed out right there, in the middle of the festivities.
When I woke up, my family had gathered around me, worried. One of them offered me a piece of cake and said it would help reduce my blood sugar after they helped me up. As I tried to convince everyone that I was fine, just weary, Jake scowled.
His look was enigmatic to me, but it seemed like his reputation was more important to him than my well-being. They were fussing over me, even though I kept telling them I was alright. I tried to ignore them since I was so used to handling things by myself that I thought it strange to seek for help.
On the ride home, there was silence. After I embarrassed him there, Jake lost it and said I was making him “look bad!” He moaningly strolled about the kitchen, saying, “Can’t you see how this makes me look? Everyone thinks I’m not taking care of you.
I didn’t talk to him about it before going to bed, so he even asked me what my priorities were. In the morning, he paid no attention to Tilly or myself. Instead, he was absorbed in his own feelings and thought that just because I went to bed, it didn’t matter!
“Jake, I’m not your opponent here. All I needed to do was rest. I tried to reach out to him, my voice feeble but firm. He made fun of, “You don’t get it, do you?” You retire to sleep, leaving me to endure the embarrassment!”
I had reached my breaking point and was SO DONE! I decided to pack up my things and spend some time at my mother’s house because I was exhausted and had no one to support me.
The doorbell rang while I was packing, so of course I tried to answer it.
I was shocked to see my in-laws there as I went to open the door. They looked serious, and they were accompanied by a woman I didn’t recognise. “We need to talk,” my mother-in-law (MIL) stated as she walked in.
She introduced the woman to my husband and me as the certified nanny they had hired for the next two weeks. My grandmother remarked, “She’s here to help with the baby and to teach Jake about caring for her and managing the house.”
I was so taken aback that I was unable to answer back! My loving and thoughtful in-laws were so concerned about my well-being and the strain on our marriage that they had organized a comprehensive intervention!
While I was still processing everything they had told us, they produced a brochure and handed it to me. My eyes widened as I saw it was for a luxurious wellness retreat! My FIL said, “You’re going on a spa retreat for a week.” Rest, recuperate, and replenish. You need it.
As stunned as I was, Jake was equally, if not more, shocked by what was happening! Their actions were meant to provide me the much-needed physical and mental vacation, as well as to chastise my spouse!
I was so moved by their generosity that I agreed immediately and made my way to the retreat. That week was fantastic! Massages, meditation, and most importantly, lots and plenty of sleep, all contributed to my recuperation.
When I went home, the changes were astounding! Jake had gone through a fairly rigorous “baby boot camp” thanks to the babysitter. Now he knew how to change diapers, make healthy meals for babies, soothe picky eaters, and manage sleep schedules!
My in-laws had lingered to support him. They discussed their own early parenting issues and placed a strong focus on teamwork. Jake greeted me with an unexpected revelation and a heartfelt apology when I returned!
“I paid his parents back for the nanny and my retreat by selling my collection of vintage guitars,” he claimed. He told me, “It’s time I focus on what’s truly important.” His true love to our family over his own interests was evident in this action. It also demonstrated his readiness to be the partner and father I needed.
His parents had left for the evening, so we had a long, open conversation about our feelings and expectations. We also discussed how the dynamics of our family are evolving. The engagement of my in-laws was not only a relief, but it also signaled a change in our marriage.
It improved our marriage by instilling in us both—but primarily in my husband—the value of responsibility, compassion, selflessness, and teamwork. We also learned how important it is to support one another.
Though it doesn’t always happen, my story ended happily because my in-laws supported me along the way. In the second scenario, the new mother tried to teach her husband a lesson when he failed to act like a parent, but like my spouse, he used it as a chance to push his own agenda.
How I can relate to this tale of early motherhood and the wish for even a little peace and quiet! Everything has blurred since my little one arrived two weeks ago. She’s adorable, but as a strict breastfeeding mother, I’ve rarely had time to myself!
It was the first time I’d had a quick shower by myself since she moved in, and you know what happened? Barely three minutes had passed before my spouse escorted our tearful daughter into the restroom.
Although I respect his desire to help, it seems like giving her back to me is the only thing he can do. Everything about his life seems to be the same. He enjoys taking long, undisturbed showers, and I can’t help but be a little irritated and jealous.
I was sick of the rushed, stressful showers and thought it was time for some serious self-care. So I called one of the big guns, my mother. To put it kindly, my spouse wasn’t thrilled when I told him when she arrived! He felt insulted, wondering why I felt the need to call her just to take a shower.
His reaction sparked a lot of conversation when I shared my story on Reddit. I received an abundance of guidance and inspiration. A commenter pointed out the ridiculousness of my husband’s logic, asking why he doesn’t take our kid along since long baths help her feel better.
Some favored more drastic measures, such shutting the bathroom door to obtain privacy or holding a serious debate over the division of parental duties. It’s clear that I’m not the only one going through this because a number of people emphasized the need of communicating and setting boundaries.
This incident has prompted a crucial conversation between my spouse and me. We’re starting this new chapter together and getting better at helping each other out. It’s more than just having a shower; it’s also about recognizing and respecting one other’s needs as we traverse this crazy, amazing journey that is parenting a child.
