Engaged and Unemployed: Will My Spouse Be a Gold Digger?
My girlfriend accepted my proposal, but she now wants to stay at home andResidence, Fiancée Will My Spouse Be a Gold Digger?
A young couple discovered they worked for the same company but received very different wages before they got engaged. After becoming engaged, the young woman wanted to quit her job, which made some people on social media believe she was a gold-digger. Her fiancé, though, contests that.
On the AITAH subreddit, a thirty-year-old engaged man wrote a message pleading for advice about a difficult situation he was going through and felt terrible about. He explained that 2.5 years ago, during an event held in their shared office, he—a researcher for a major tech company—met his fiancée for the first time.
The original poster (OP), who was utterly captivated by the 26-year-old, extended an invitation to her. Their relationship is going well so far, and he appreciates the woman’s organizational skills. She works in marketing. Given that the woman’s job involved event planning and marketing and that she is an expert at both, he was pleased of her.
She occasionally had to work long hours because of her employment, even though his office desk job hours were more predictable and he rarely worked late. His fiancée was often complaining about how lucky he was, as she had to travel to complete her assignments.
OP also revealed that he has attention deficit disorder (ADD) and struggles with basic activities. This is one of the reasons he loves her so much—she helps him with everything that has to be arranged. He reported that she was patient and making a lot of improvements in his life.
They had their first financial chat when OP’s partner moved in with him. He was lucky to have a good benefits package, and even though she knew he was financially stable, she was surprised by his pay.
The realization that he makes fifteen times as much as she does startled him! Apart from providing living needs, OP recommended that she focus on saving money for her student loan, which she had delayed at the time.
Although the Reddit user owned his apartment, his fiancée—who at the time was also his girlfriend—wanted to assist. They therefore allocated their expenditures according on the income of each individual. It was a good arrangement for OP because her partner is a self-sufficient and independent woman.
A month before his Reddit post, OP proposed to his fiancée. She has never before asked him for anything lavish, but this time she asked for a diamond engagement ring that would probably cost about $15,000. OP convinced him that it was worth it even though she felt uncomfortable spending so much money because she would wear the item for the rest of her life. He went on to explain that whenever she showed the ring to someone, she would constantly try to bring up the ring’s cost during the conversation.
OP didn’t like that and kept asking her to stop, but she didn’t listen. The day before OP wrote his article, OP’s fiancée urged him to sit with her on the couch so they could discuss an important topic.
She informed him fifteen days in advance that she would be quitting her work the following month. He looked astonished and asked her what was wrong, to which she said that she wanted to arrange their wedding, which would take a lot of time. They would be getting married in the summer, so she wanted to make sure their reservations were set up as soon as possible.
When asked why she felt she had to quit her job for that reason, the woman replied she was tired of working long hours and wanted to be a stay-at-home fiancée. He laughed and pointed out the amount she still owed on her student loans, telling her it wouldn’t be a problem.
OP’s fiancée argued that she didn’t care about the student loan debt because they were now a team and she made less money in a month than he did. She said that she hadn’t given it much thought when he asked about her plans for the post-wedding phase.
Even while OP advised her to take a break, he made it clear that he was uncomfortable with her quitting her job at such a young age, especially because they weren’t expecting children for a while. He wanted her to remain self-sufficient even after they were married in case something untoward happened to him.
Following their marriage, there was a contentious argument because she felt he was being unkind to her by requiring her to work when they could afford for her to stay at home. OP was furious about the whole thing, even though he was clear in indicating that his fiancée’s pay loss wouldn’t have an effect on their finances.
He asked Reddit members whether they knew of any fiancées who were staying at home. Furthermore, OP said that he wanted to support and provide his future bride a happy life even though he genuinely thought she was stopping her career a bit too soon considering her age.
in response to a range of remarks made by Reddit users, some of whom believed that the OP’s fiancée was a gold-digger.
Someone wrote, “Did someone say gold digger? She’ll use you and everything you own against you. You are going to pay off her student loans. She’s “showing off” her expensive ring, but she also has a luxury car and a bigger apartment or house on her list of priorities. She wants the luxurious lifestyle you can provide for her without requiring her to work hard for it. You two are incompatible in terms of money.
OP returned a few days later with an update. He claimed that he had spoken with her to find out why she was thinking about leaving her job once he had composed himself. After a delicious meal that was ordered, he brought up the subject again, and this time he tried to be encouraging as he asked questions.
After taking a minute to become defensive, OP’s partner stated that she didn’t think her job mattered because she didn’t make nearly enough money to sustain them. He explained that it was about her effort and talent in her field in addition to the money.
The OP also talked on how hard she had worked to get to where she was in a big firm. He said that in the event of his passing, they wouldn’t have enough cash on hand to provide for her. The Redditor also shared his worry that he would be the target of layoffs due to his high salary. He believed he presented his case convincingly.
Though she agreed with most of what he said, she conceded that she felt overwhelmed by everything that needed to be done before their wedding day. OP’s fiancée mentioned that she will have to handle things on her own and that he is very disorganized.
The woman lamented her feeling of fatigue at work and her lack of energy at the end of the week. She felt like a workaholic with little money to show for it, so she wanted to be able to plan her wedding from a “happy place” to avoid the stress of her career.
Following their marriage and honeymoon, OP’s boyfriend made a commitment to start looking for work. She wanted a different job than her current one, one with more regular hours. She made it clear that she didn’t want to be a trophy bride and even mentioned returning to school to get her master’s.
OP said in their parting that he thought her offer was fair and that she planned to resign the next week. OP stated that he saw why others dubbed her a “gold-digger” and understood their perspective because he was raised in poverty and tried not to brag to his family because not everyone had what he had.
Though he believed his fiancée had changed into “that version of me,” he also believed that if he wanted to marry her, he had to believe what he saw in her.
He understood her excitement at showing off her engagement diamond, but he also believed that the wives of most of his coworkers had more magnificent jewelry.
Comments were posted on Reddit once more. “Yeah, the ring was a major red sign,” said one person. When she heard what he was saying, her eyes seemed to light up like dollar signs. She seems to be following the affluent lifestyle and has lost interest in the opinions of OP. Prevent her from giving up.
“Get a pre-nup because, shocker, she will not go back to work after the wedding,” suggested a different reader. One person commented, “Lol, she’s never going back to work.”
“Her goal is to leave her job and let OP pay for all of her costs, including her personal debts, so she can dedicate all of her time to planning every last detail of a wedding in which she will not be involved at all. What is her plan after that ONE DAY? To simply, like, be alive?” inquired on Reddit.
In response to the OP’s update and mention of his parents’ insistence that he marry his fiancée in 2024, someone stated, “You lost any credibility when you said that your parents are insisting on you getting married this year.” You can’t expect me to take you seriously as a successful adult if your parents are still giving you directions.
Hire a planner for your nuptials. Who quits their job to plan a wedding? OP, she no longer wants to work and is endangering you. “Get a prenup and make sure YOU use birth control,” one reader advised.
If you’re happy, that’s okay too. Don’t be so blind, though. Get a premarital contract. Since she hasn’t worked since you got engaged, you’ll have to pay a sizable portion of her alimony because it’s unlikely that she will ever work again. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. Ensure your future is protected, a concerned Redditor advised.
