THE BEST LETTER OF DIVORCE EVER WRITTEN! My Dear Wife, I am writing you this letter to keep in touch with you and to let you know that
I am writing you this letter to inform you that I will remain away from you for the rest of my life. Over the course of seven years, I have been a decent man to you, but I have nothing to show for it. It has been a living hell for the past two weeks… I received a phone call from your manager informing me that you resigned your job recently, and that was the final straw. You arrived home the week before last and didn’t even notice that I had a new haircut, that I had prepared your favorite meal, and that I was even wearing a brand new pair of silk boxers during that time. Right after you finished watching all of your soap operas, you went right to sleep and ate in only two minutes.
I don’t want you to tell me that you love me anymore; you don’t want sexual activity or anything else that ties us together as husband and wife. Either you are cheating on me or you no longer love me; regardless of the situation, I am no longer an option for you.
Your former spouse(s)
Please don’t make any attempt to locate me. I will be relocating to West Virginia with your sister, and we are excited about this! I hope you have a wonderful life!
Kindly, Your Ex-Husband
Your letter has been the single most joyful thing that has happened to me today. Although it is true that you and I have been married for seven years, you are not even close to becoming a good man due to the fact that you have been. The reason I watch my soap operas so much is because they mask the incessant complaining and grousing that you do. I’m sorry to but that doesn’t work. Despite the fact that I was aware of the fact that you had a haircut the previous week, the first thing that sprang to my thoughts was, “You look just like a girl!” My mother taught me that if you can’t say something pleasant, you shouldn’t say anything at all, so I didn’t comment on what she said. In addition, when you prepared my favorite dish, you must have confused me with MY SISTER because I have not consumed pork for the past seven years.
With regard to those brand-new silk boxers, I declined your offer because the price tag of $49.99 was still attached to them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me earlier that morning.
Despite all that had happened, I continued to love you and believed that we could find a way to make things work. After I won ten million dollars in the lottery, I decided to quit my work and buy two tickets for my family and I to go to Jamaica. You were not there when I arrived at my house.
I suppose that everything that takes place has a purpose. It is my goal that you are able to live the life that you have always desired. According to my attorney, the letter that you wrote guarantees that you will not receive any money from me. Be careful, then.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Extremely Wealthy and Uncomplicated!
For your information, my sister Carla was born Carl. I’m not sure if I’ve ever mentioned this to you before. I really hope that won’t be a problem.
